Brave Choices and Red Lipstick

Three years ago (at the ripe old age of 37), I had a mild freak out about turning 40. All sarcasm aside, the mild “mid-life crisis” moment in my own brain triggered some really brave and fantastic decision making on my part. I realized I wasn’t doing a great job at being an active participant in my own life. As a result, I embarked on a journey of making some very brave and some what scary choices. 

1.) Brave Choice #1: Chopping my hair off at age 37, and going to a pixie cut. Thank you Emily Smith for making my hair look amazing! (I still miss you doing my hair.) I also decided that red lipstick was my new power move. I may not wear any other makeup, but as soon as I put on that red lipstick for no reason, I feel a little more confident.


2.) Brave Choice #2: Moving to Minnesota. I realized at age 38, that California was not a good fit for me anymore. The Bay Area was too busy, too expensive, too fast paced and I felt worn out by all of those things. I knew I was ready to accept all the consequences of selling my condo in the Bay Area. The really brave part of this choice was when I realized God was pointing me towards Minnesota instead of back to Maui (that story will come in another post). Let me tell you, when I chose to move to Minnesota, God made everything move lightning fast. There is NO WAY I could have made this happen myself. And honestly, my life is 20x better out here than I could have ever expected.


3.) Brave Choice #3: Quitting Whole Foods. As God would have it, he decided I needed to start teaching Pilates again. In Minnesota. Where I didn’t know anyone in the pilates world. When I was obese again (aka back at my highest weight). Yah, you read that correctly. I had always been of the unfortunate impression that because I was once again battling obesity, I could never again teach pilates. Which is a really hard pill to swallow. To be fair, it’s easy to understand why someone would be hesitant to exercise with someone who battles obesity. And yet, I am still strong. I can still do 85% of all Pilates exercises, and I didn’t lose my knowledge. I just lost my confidence. So from that, God has decided to push my mental capacity for self acceptance to it’s breaking point and said, “I am going to challenge your ability to believe in yourself by providing you a Pilates job. Here you go. The studio owner is named Heather, she will have full confidence in your abilities, and then she will make you her studio manager.” To which I will be completely baffled by all of this, and go “Ok”….gulp. While I started building up my practice at Heather’s studio, I took on a second job at Whole Foods to help me pay the bills. I made next to nothing there, but it fit the bill for what I needed. And then the pandemic hit. And Whole Foods became the main stay of my income. I didn’t collect unemployment, I just worked like a maniac at a grocery store during a pandemic. I have never been sooo relieved as I was to get vaccinated early on, and see more and more people get vaccinated. Because now that people in my community are getting vaccinated, our Pilates community is coming back to life. And they are coming back to the studio. And new people are coming to the studio. And in the midst of all this, I was asked to take on more hours at my current studio. How the heck is this happening to me when I am at this weight?????? And this is where God is gracious, because he told me that skill and knowledge exist in my body no matter what weight I’m at. I never lost my abilities, I only lost my confidence. So to make this happen, I had to let go of what was secure (my job at Whole Foods), put on my red lipstick for confidence, and walk through the open door called teaching pilates. I’m having to do a lot of work with my finances and my confidence in myself. But somehow, I am still moving forward.  


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